According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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