I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
