I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
