come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
