my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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