no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
