Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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