Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
