Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
