you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
