according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
