just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Randomize
