I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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