Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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