You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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