my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
