I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
