at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
