You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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