you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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