Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
