Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
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