You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
