Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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