My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
