But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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