And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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