Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
