Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
