If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
worst night to have a conscience
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
