Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
