Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
