he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
and she was petting her beer can
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
