You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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