i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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