I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
