Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
