In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
