No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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