Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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