I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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