I'm pants shitting drunk right now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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