Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
