she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
