Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
