I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
