dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
