take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
