would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
