I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
