Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
