Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
