the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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